


"I read your diary."

by EddieSasspbrak



Series: Dialogue Prompts [8]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22262617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EddieSasspbrak/pseuds/EddieSasspbrak
Summary: Eddie reads a diary he believes to be Richie's and is pretty sure he just admitted to being in love with him.Prompt inspired by one line of dialogue. Prompt in title.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: Dialogue Prompts [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1575751
Comments: 8
Kudos: 144





	"I read your diary."

That day at lunch, when Richie had announced that his parents would be out that evening, it was decided they would have a little Losers get together at his house. At least once a week they gathered at one of their houses for a game night or to view a movie or TV show they all wanted to watch. All seven of them squished on a couch, under blankets and just enjoying being with one another. Not having any parents around to yell at them when they got too loud was always a bonus.

Upon entering the Tozier home, they kicked off their shoes before going up to Richie’s room to peruse his collection of movies, ditching their backpacks by his bed. The only downside to being at Richie’s, for Stan and Eddie at least, was that most of his movies were of the horror genre and neither particularly liked them. There was a good chance Eddie would end up staying over at Richie’s so that his mom didn’t find out he’d watched something scary in case he woke up with nightmares.

Eddie sat on Richie’s bed while the rest looked, knowing that nothing he said about their choice of movie really mattered. Either way he’d be traumatized for the next week. He looked at the movie posters on his walls and the scattering of polaroids of the seven of them he’d taped up haphazardly. They’d spent so many years together and with their senior year coming to an end, Eddie couldn’t help the feelings of anxiety that gripped him whenever he thought about going their separate ways. Stan had asked once if they’d still be friends when they were older, and Eddie thought about that a lot now. He hoped so. He didn’t want to lose any of them, but they couldn’t be sure what would happen until they lived it.

“Eds, we picked a movie, let’s go.” Richie said with a grin that made Eddie fall in love all over again.

He looked to the door to see all of his friends were already leaving the room. When he stood to follow, he bumped their bags and knocked a few of them over, spilling the contents. He cursed under his breath and knelt down to pick up the things that had spilled while also mentally berating his friends for leaving their bags unzipped. Stuffing a textbook back into Bill’s bag, he went to stand only to stop when something under Richie’s bed caught his eye. Amongst the clutter that littered the floor beneath his bed was a blue notebook with a sticker of the hear, speak and see no evil monkeys on it.

Eddie glanced at the door to see he was alone, his friend’s voices carrying up the stairs. Reaching for the notebook, he felt like he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to. Sure, it crossed his mind that it could have just fallen from one of their backpacks when they fell, but it was far under the bed, partially covered by a sweatshirt. Given the number of things under his bed, there was a chance it had just been dropped and forgotten. Still, Eddie couldn’t stop thinking that it had been hidden there on purpose. Listening carefully for any of his friends coming back up the stairs, he cracked the notebook open and read at the very top “Dear diary”.

He let the cover fall from his fingers and close. There was no denying it then. Richie kept a diary, and this was it. Eddie knew he shouldn’t read it, but he was so, so curious. Richie was the last person he expected to keep a diary and he had to know what kind of things he wrote about. He’d honestly been expecting it to be filled with jokes he’d thought up.

Maybe it was because Eddie had been secretly in love with Richie for years, or maybe it was just curiosity getting the better of him, but he opened the notebook to the last entry and began to read.

_“Dear diary, I’m in love with my best friend.”_

Eddie inhaled sharply and read that first line over and over again. Who did Richie consider his best friend? Sure, Eddie wanted to say it was him, but there were six of them to choose from. He could mean any one of the Losers. He had to know, so he kept going.

 _“He was cute again today.”_ That ruled out Beverly.

 _“Everything about him is cute. He’s shorter than me, not by a lot, but enough to be adorable.”_ Richie and Bill were the tallest of the group, with Bill standing an inch taller, so that ruled him out too.

 _“At lunch there was a spider on the table, and he freaked out. It was so cute I couldn’t stop looking at him.”_ Eddie, Stan and Ben had all three been afraid of the spider, and Mike had been the one to kill it. So, not Mike either.

 _“His locker is by mine and I just stand there and stare at him when he gets his books. I don’t think he’s noticed.”_ Stan’s locker was in a separate hallway, down by Bill’s. Both Eddie and Ben had lockers near Richie’s.

 _“His locker is so organized and clean and precise, not at all like mine. I’m probably too messy for him.”_ Ben’s locker wasn’t a mess, but it was usually cluttered, and he often dropped things while trying to pull out books. Eddie’s on the other hand…

Eddie closed the notebook, unable to read anymore. He’d read enough to confirm that it was him that Richie was writing about. Richie was in love with him and Eddie didn’t know how to proceed. Did he tell him that he knew? Did he confess his own feelings and hope that he wouldn’t deny that he loved him too? Not in a million years did Eddie expect this. Richie was always talking about the girls in their classes that he liked and making vulgar jokes about them. Maybe he liked boys and girls. Or girls and Eddie.

“Eds! Are you coming?” Richie’s voice came from the stairs, causing Eddie to jump and throw the book back under his bed.

“Yea…I’m coming!” He shouted back.

Eddie stood and placed his hand to his chest, trying to calm himself down. He had to go downstairs, squish on the couch next to Richie and pretend like he didn’t know they were both in love with each other. Easy, right?

*

Occasionally Eddie was brave, but when it came to matters of the heart, he was a coward. He’d chosen not to stay at Richie’s that night, too afraid to have that conversation with him about what he’d read. Too scared to admit that he’d read what he wasn’t meant to. Instead, he let it torture him over the weekend, the words playing in his mind repeatedly. Every dream he had was about Richie, he invaded his every thought, causing his stomach to churn with a mix of butterflies and anxiety.

When Monday came and he could no longer avoid facing him, he thought he might actually become sick. He’d met his friends like he did every morning. He was the last one to pull up the bike rack, locking his bike up and avoiding eye contact. His first two classes of the morning he was alone, but by third hour he was with Richie again, sitting side by side and pretending like he wasn’t on edge. Apparently, he wasn’t doing a very good job of it as Richie noticed and stopped him after class when he tried to speed off.

“Eds, what’s going on with you?” He asked, pulling him to the side of the hallway by some lockers.

“Nothing.” Eddie answered too quickly.

“You’ve barely spoken all day and won’t look at me. Did I do something?”

The look on Richie’s face was worried and it made Eddie feel bad for making him make that face. He didn’t like a sad Richie. He liked when he was smiling and cracking lame jokes that made him laugh. It was his fault he was looking like that and he couldn’t keep it in any longer. Had to let him know what he’d seen and admit that he’d done something wrong. Betrayed his trust. Hopefully he wouldn’t be too upset when he told him he felt the same.

“I…read your diary.” Eddie lowered his voice, leaning in a bit so only Richie could hear.

“You did what now?” Richie cracked a confused smile as his eyebrows knit together.

“I’m sorry. I know it was wrong. I found it in your room and I only read one page, but it was where you were talking about your crush. Richie…I know…”

“You know what?” Richie was full on grinning now and it made Eddie nervous for some reason.

“I know who you like!” He said in a harsh whisper, darting his eyes around the hall to see if anyone was listening.

“How could you, Eds? That’s such an invasion of privacy.”

“I know. I’m really sorry, but I think we need to talk about what I read…”

“What did you read?”

“That you like m-.”

“Richie!” Eddie’s words were drowned out by Bill, who was rushing toward them.

“What’s up, Billy?” Richie asked, his eyes lingering on Eddie’s red face a moment longer before turning to their friend.

“I think I left s-something at your house last week. Can I come by after school to look for it?”

“Yea. What did you lose?”

“It’s my…um…noteb-book.” Bill said, his face flushing slightly.

“What’s it look like?”

“B-b-blue, with a monkey sticker on the f-front.”

Eddie felt like time slowed down around him as he came to a very abrupt realization. It was Bill’s dairy he’d read. He was talking about Stan. Stan was shorter than him, Stan had freaked out about the spider, Stan’s locker was by his, Stan was just as organized as Eddie was, if not more. He felt his cheeks heat up and felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. Just a minute ago, he’d been about to confess his feelings because he thought Richie felt the same. Now he felt sick and so, so stupid. God, he was _so stupid!_ Of course, Richie didn’t keep a diary. He didn’t love Eddie.

“You ok, E-Eddie?” Bill asked.

When he focused on them again, they were both staring at him. His eyes met Richie’s and his fight or flight instinct kicked in. He chose the latter. Turning on his heel, he took off down the hall. He heard both boys yelling after him, but their voices only pushed him to run faster. He pushed through the doors that lead out to the fields where he made a beeline for one of the dugouts. They were well hidden and wouldn’t be in use this time of day. Sometimes other students made out there or smoked there, but usually not so early in the morning. He sat on one of the benches, dropping his bag by his feet, and put his head in his hands.

If Bill had interrupted them even a second later, Eddie would be in a much worse spot. At least this way he didn’t have to deal with rejection and messing up their friendship. He’d think of an excuse for why he’d ran away, think of what he was going to say to make up for the misunderstanding. For now, he was going to wallow and deal with his self-loathing in peace. Part of him wondered if he should call his mom, tell her he wasn’t feeling well so he could go hide out at home for the rest of the day. As it was, she was probably going to get a call that he had missed his fourth class of the day. He didn’t really care about that at the moment though. Her lecture would be a welcome distraction from the noise in his head.

Eddie heard the footsteps approaching and tried to make himself small so he wouldn’t be seen. There was a chance it was someone looking to use the dugout for some debauchery, but they could use the other one. This one was occupied, and he wasn’t leaving. It could also have been a teacher doing a scan for students breaking rules because of course they new what they were used for. What Eddie hadn’t been expecting was for the person to jump down and sit beside him on the bench.

He tilted his head to the side and looked up to see Richie sitting there, leaning back slightly on his hands and looking up and out at the sky. Eddie’s stomach sank as he kicked himself for not just going home where Richie wouldn’t be able to find him so easily. He dropped his hands from his face but stayed hunched over, his elbows on his knees.

“You ok?” Richie asked, still not looking at him.

Eddie nodded. It didn’t matter that it was a lie. He didn’t want to talk about what was going on in his head. Especially not with Richie.

“What happened back there?”

“Nothing. I made a mistake. Sorry.” Eddie pushed up off the bench and stood, but before he could walk away, Richie grabbed him by his wrist.

“You said you read my diary.”

“Yea. It was Bill’s. I know that now. Like I said, I made a mistake.”

“So, you aren’t upset anymore?”

“I wasn’t upset in the first place.”

“You can’t lie to me, Eds. You looked like you were about to cry. So, who did you think I liked that was so terrible and isn’t now that it’s Bill who has a crush?”

“I can’t tell you that. It would be betraying Bill.”

Richie huffed out a laugh and tugged lightly on Eddie’s wrist, willing him to sit back down. Eddie complied but kept a distance between them, gently twisting his wrist out of his grip. They were quiet for a moment and Eddie wondered why he wanted him to stay if he wasn’t going to speak. He still wanted to be alone, to be very far away from Richie. He could practically feel the heat radiating off the other boy and he was too hyper aware of every small move he made next to him.

“It’s Stan, right?” Richie finally said, startling Eddie out of his thoughts.

“What?”

“Bill’s crush. It’s on Stan.”

“Yea.” Eddie said, because obviously they all knew.

“So, you thought I liked Stan?” Richie grinned.

“Yea.”

“And it’s a bad thing if I do?”

Eddie’s throat went dry and he thought about bolting again. He didn’t want to hear Richie say he had a crush on anyone else. Especially not another boy, especially not their friend. It would kill him, and he definitely could not handle it.

“No…” His voice came out in the whisper.

“Well, I don’t.”

Eddie closed his eyes and let out a silent breath of relief, thanking whoever was listening.

“Eddie.” There was something in Richie’s voice that made all the hairs on Eddie’s arms stand on end. A softness when he said his name that was so laced with caring it made him want to cry. How could he not love this stupid mother fucker?

“Eddie. Look at me.” He said when he got no response.

“We have to get to class.” Eddie said, ignoring him and reaching for his bag.

“I love you.” Richie said as Eddie stood again, stopping him in his tracks.

Eddie opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Seconds turned to minutes, Eddie standing with his back to Richie, not responding to his confession. He screamed at himself inside his head, tried to will himself to move, to say anything instead of leaving Richie to sit there agonizing over what Eddie might be thinking. It wasn’t until he heard Richie move to stand up, that he finally snapped out of it and turned to face him. The frown on Richie’s face was enough to knock the wind from his lungs and make his heart hurt for him.

“Richie…” Eddie managed to say.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Richie said. “Just forget it.”

“No. No, I can’t. Richie…” The tears began to fall before Eddie could stop them. It was too overwhelming, too many thoughts racing through his head all at once. “Richie, I love you.”

His hands gripped the front of Richie’s shirt, his knuckles turning white against the fabric. Richie’s raised his hands to softly hold Eddie’s face between them. His expression was unreadable as his eyes searched Eddie’s face.

“You know I don’t mean as a friend, right?” Richie asked.

Eddie nodded, afraid to try to speak as the tears wouldn’t stop. He loved him so much. So much that it hurt sometimes. He was all he wanted, all he thought about. Knowing he felt the same was too much. Richie’s thumbs swiped at the tears that trailed down his cheeks as he continued to stare at him for a long moment. It made Eddie nervous but the look in Richie’s eyes was enough to push those feelings away. A look like he was gazing upon something so precious.

Richie leaned down and kissed him on his forehead before pressing his own against it. Letting his eyes drift close, Eddie let himself enjoy the moment of closeness with the person he loved. Let himself get lost in the feel of his hands on his face, the way he could feel his chest rise and fall beneath his hands as their breath mixed together between them. This, Eddie thought, was a little taste of what heaven must be like.

“You really love me?” Richie asked.

“Yes.” Eddie said without hesitation. “Only you.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Eddie nodded and a second later, their lips were pressed together causing his breath to catch. He released Richie’s shirt with one hand and trailed it up to rest against his neck. Richie brushed his fingers against Eddie’s cheek as he let go to grab Eddie’s other hand with his, lacing their fingers together. In this moment everything was perfect, and they felt indestructible. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Two posts in one day! Terrible ending but I feel awkward writing about them kissing when I write them as teens so...oh well  
> Also on tumblr at EddieSasspbrak


End file.
